


Sacrifice

by soucieux



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Gen, M/M, Pre-debut, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-03 14:04:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2853473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soucieux/pseuds/soucieux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 2003, Kame makes sacrifices to be the best idol he can be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> A remix of [Gone Too Soon](http://sheenalinh.livejournal.com/102269.html) by [sheenalinh](http://sheenalinh.livejournal.com)@LJ for [jentfic-remix](Http://jentfic-remix.livejournal.com)@LJ.
> 
> It's...unfinished, in a way. I didn't know how to resolve it, but I had ideas in my head.

It's late, and the alarm clock's red LED numbers cast light on the snoring lump of Jin beside him. Kame and Jin always end up sharing a bed, which is unfortunate because Jin has freakishly cold feet and likes to cuddle. Whenever he does, Kame jabs him hard right in the collarbone with unforgiving fingers. Jin doesn't know anything about boundaries or limits or not singing in a loud falsetto _all the time_. Others say Kame doesn't know limits or boundaries either. They're wrong. Kame knows what boundaries he's overstepping, he just doesn't care very much for them.

His stomach grumbles. The hunger doesn't bother him so much, but there’s another feeling in the pit of his stomach - a combination of anxiety and nerves that feels real funny. He doesn't know why he feels that way. The first day of concerts could have gone better: there were a few moves that he could transition into a little more quickly and a few moves that he could embellish, but he did all right. On the other hand, KAT-TUN's group dancing, as always, attracted a lot of unfortunate attention, with Jin making things up when he forgot choreography, and an incident in which Koki threw a hissy fit when Junno stepped on his toes.

The anxiety makes his body feel a little cold and his limbs feel a little weak. It claws at his stomach, but the hunger feels kind of good, in the way that Kame feels light as a feather, like he could do three back handsprings instead of two. Sleep causes his eyelids to feel heavy, and he curls up against Jin's back, stealing warmth as fatigue steals his consciousness.

 

Out of all the members, Kame is always the last to roll out of bed. Today is even worse: everyone is already eating breakfast in the downstairs lobby when Jin returns to the room to find Kame just padding to the bathroom with bleary eyes and smushed hair.

Jin tosses him onigiri fresh from the konbini and in bright plastic packaging. "There were two for you, but they were umeboshi and tuna, and I know you don’t like umeboshi _or_ breakfast, so I left you the tuna and ate the other one!" He says cheerfully, way too perky for Kame’s sleep-fogged mind.

Kame yawns and stretches his arms up high to listen his muscles. "When are we leaving?"

Jin stares at his body with furrowed eyebrows. "Kame, when did you get soooooo skinny?"

"Thanks." Kame wraps his arms around himself.

"NOT 'THANKS', KAME. I CAN SEE YOUR RIBS. EAT YOUR ONIGIRI." Jin's eyes are big. "Are you rehearsing extra again? Do they have you taking extra dancing lessons? Or maybe extra singing lessons? DO YOU NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO EAT?"

"I lose weight when we're busy like this," Kame says. He shrugs. The schedule is definitely stressful, but he likes it. He's too busy to eat a lot, but he gets through all of their commitments just fine. It helps that the costumers and stylists coo over how good he's looked lately. "When're we leaving?"

"In half an hour or so? I'd never be able to be so busy that I'd stop eating...I eat more to keep up."

Kame rolls his eyes. "I know.”

Once Jin leaves, Kame throws the onigiri in the trash and starts to brush his teeth. 

 

"Kame, you can't have half a bowl of rice and curry for lunch," Jin whines, but he steals one of Kame's potatoes anyway. No boundaries. Speaking around the food in his mouth, "The show is in an hour and you'll be so useless if you collapse."

Kame grins and can’t help but deadpan, "As useless as your dance moves.” Jin tries to use his pout as a diversion to steal another potato, but Kame reads his thoughts attacks the invading chopsticks with his own. "The onigiri this morning kind of unsettled my stomach, so I don’t really want to eat anything else.”

"Finish your curry and don't make me worry about you." Jin smacks the back of his head. "Don't be stupid, _Kame-chan_. How're you gonna get more screams than me if you're pale, gaunt, and passed out from a lack of nutrition?"

"You think I'm pale and gaunt?" Kame’s heart pangs and he jabs Jin between the ribs with his chopsticks _as hard as he can_.

Jin screeches and rubs his side. "That's not what I meant! But that's what's going to happen IF YOU DON'T EAT EVER AGAIN."

Kame diligently takes a small bite of curry and rice. "Happy?"

"You’re such a brat, Kame.” Jin says, but his smile is warm and fond.

 

The first show goes fine. Thanks to the last minute practice, Kame's transitions improve and he manages to add in an extra back handspring during a dance solo. He’s pleasantly surprised with the group’s performance too, since they manage to dance (almost) in sync, and their manager doesn't rip a new one into _anyone_ afterwards.

The second show goes _terribly_. Kame's body and mind feel fresh and light, so he aims for a series of four back handsprings during the solo, but then the ground isn't where it's supposed to be, and there’s an empty anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach when he sees the stage rush past him.

His hands flail out, and then there's just the harsh whoosh of air leaving his lungs and a resounding thud as his tailbone come into hard contact with the concrete. The pain kicks his lower back hard and staff rush around him. He’s afraid to move.

Two people help him up and he grits his teeth hard and almost falls down because his lower back feels like it's on _fire_ , acute pain shooting down through his left hip and into his leg. He looks to see what the rest of KAT-TUN is doing, and smiles at Jin when he sees the other looking for him. Inside, Kame feels like a failure.

There’s a quick examination backstage. No pupil dilation. Cognitive function is okay. Coordination is fine. Reflexes are fine. Then they feel his lower back, and make him move his lower extremities. He grits his teeth hard.

"You don't seem to have a concussion or any broken bones, just some bad bruising" The examiner smiles gently at Kame. I'm going to inject corticosteroids in the lower back to reduce inflammation, and try and prevent any more discomfort, okay?" 

Kame nods.

"Someone will take you back to your hotel soon, I expect."

Kame looks at her like she’s got three heads. "I'm going to keep performing," he says. This is all he’s worked for. His stomach grumbles.

 

Jin, worry etched on his face, supports him when he’s back on stage. He treats Kame with soft hands and tenderness.

"What happened?" Jin asks. "Did you forget how big the stage was?"

"I don't know," Kame says, pain wracking his body as he smiles wide at the fans and limps with Jin supporting his lower back. His mask is on. The fans are cheering so loud for him, louder than before. He thinks they're all cheering for him, after what happened.

"You've gotten the most screams this show, I think." Jin laughs. "Don't tell me you fell off on purpose, just for the sake of winning our bet. It’s a double whammy, because now I have to take care of you, too, cheater."

Kame feels so loved in this moment.

 

After the concert and backstage, there’s another check-up with the medical staff. When the manager finds out that the fall was due to Kame’s carelessness, he scolds him. Kame feels small.

When it's all over, Kame lets out a loud sigh of relief and slumps down in his chair. The peace is short-lived because Jin chooses that moment to waltz up and smack him upside the head, hard. “That’s what happens when you worry all of us like that.” 

He smiles that smile and Kame feels warm and fuzzy inside. It almost alleviates his pain. 

 

After concerts, everyone goes out for a big meal together. Kame is subjected to lonely hotel bedrest. He refuses anything from the konbini, saying that even breathing hurts a bit. He’s exhausted and would prefer to just go to bed.

Jin stomps into the room earlier than expected, takeout bag in tow. Kame’s watching variety shows when something warm plops into his lap, and Jin announces, “This tekkadon is all for you,” with a great big smile.

Kame savors a few bites of tuna before he places it on the nightstand.

“Are you done?” Jin asks, and frowns. "You need your strength, Kame. You hurt yourself pretty badly back there.” Kame thinks he sounds like a broken record.

"I'm exhausted. I don't even want to _think_ about doing anything besides sleeping right now."

"You didn't eat much earlier, either! Seriously - I've noticed. At the dance rehearsals and stuff. You don't eat enough, Kame. And you've got big bags under your eyes and your cheeks look funny and you're snippy and irritable instead of just ignoring me when you don't like what I say." A sharp intake of air and eyes filled with worry, "What's going on with you?"

"Mind your own business, Jin." Kame's voice oozes exasperation and annoyance. "You might have a never-ending appetite, but like I said earlier, when I'm stressed out, I don't like to eat much. If it were a problem, the staff would know, wouldn't they? No one else has mentioned me not eating, and no one else has mentioned that I look tired." He pauses. "And I know all of the dance moves," he says icily, "You might want to try working a little harder, then you might know about stress."

Jin looks really, really hurt, but he drops it after that.


End file.
